Being the spouse or partner of an addict is a complex situation filled with emotional highs and lows. As such, it is extremely important for spouses and partners of addicts to have a solid support system. Navigating drug and alcohol addiction without the guidance and encouragement of others going through the same thing can be a lonely and overwhelming experience.
Romantic Relationships and Drug Addiction
Addicts struggle with a broad range of different issues that are directly and indirectly connected to their specific dependencies. When addicts are in romantic relationships, their partners will often struggle as well. An estimated 24 million Americans are part of marriages where drug addiction is a problem. It is a relatively common situation with no easy solutions.
Both active and recovering drug addicts can experience unique interpersonal difficulties, which can cause their relationships to collapse. It is estimated that abuse is the main factor that leads to divorce and the end of relationships in general, while infidelity is the second, and drug addiction is the third.
To make matters worse, in relationships where drug addiction is a problem, infidelity and different forms of abuse are also more likely to occur. Even when the patients who struggle with drug addiction are committed to the overall recovery process, it is a difficult set of circumstances for everyone involved.
Common Sources of Conflict Between Addicts and Partners
The drugs themselves can obviously cause a variety of problems on their own in all relationships. However, a drug addiction can have such a profound impact on a person's life that it can lead to several relationship problems simultaneously.
Emotional Extremes: Drug addicts can be prone to substantial emotional fluctuations at every stage of the drug addiction recovery process. Even when they are feeling more stable, it is common for patients to become depressed, exhausted, and frustrated with their situation. Their partners will be affected to some extent.
Legal Troubles: Drug-addicted patients might use drugs illegally, or perform other illegal actions when they are using drugs. Some of their drug-seeking behaviors could also be illegal or legally questionable. Child custody situations can become complicated when at least one parent suffers from drug addiction problems. When marriages and relationships involving drug addicts end, the divorce process can also become more complex. The spouses of addicts may find themselves in one challenging legal situation after another.
Secondary Mental Illnesses: Many individuals develop problems with drugs in order to cope with other mental health issues. Even when the drugs themselves become issues on their own, the original mental illnesses can still be present. Addicts might need therapy for more than one problem.
Financial Problems: Drug addicts frequently have a difficult time earning money. Their careers might suffer, or they may never truly start careers of their own. They might be financially dependent on their spouses, or become that way. Drugs themselves are expensive, and so are the treatments and therapies that addicts need during the recovery process. Drug addictions are expensive to maintain and to end, and the financial difficulties will likely continue even after the addict recovers.
Abuse: Domestic violence is more common in relationships where at least one partner has a problem with drug addiction. It has been estimated that in between 40 and 60 percent of domestic violence incidents, substance abuse was involved.
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Healthy and Unhealthy Forms of Emotional Support
Partners and spouses of addicts will obviously want to help their loved ones recover from a substance abuse problem. However, watching someone go through this process is emotionally difficult enough, even when the patients in question are trying to minimize the impact that their addictions might have on others. Many patients also do not make that sort of an effort.
Some partners and spouses will not care for themselves properly in these situations, because they are focusing so heavily on their partners' addictions. Their partners also might become too dependent on them. Spouses might become unwilling to hold their addict partners accountable for their own actions and behaviors, which will only increase the burden that they feel and make the underlying situation worse.
Addicts are certainly much more likely to get better if they have empathetic and supportive partners and spouses. Their partners have to make sure that they are not hurting themselves in the process, however.
Most importantly, drug addicts absolutely need professional help in order to recover. Their partners cannot help them through this process independently. Fortunately, there are plenty of resources available today for both addicts and their partners.
Resources for Addicts and Their Loved Ones
Different resources might be more effective for different couples. People's financial resources vary. Some people also prefer communicating in person, while other individuals benefit from seeking help online or over the phone. Telemedicine has created new possibilities for addicts and their partners today.
Specialized Hotlines: There are hotlines that are specifically aimed at the partners and spouses of the people who have substance abuse problems. Addicts can use different hotlines.
Counseling: Spouses might want therapists of their own. Some of them might be interested in relationship counseling. They should look for counselors that specialize in drug addiction and relationships where drug addiction is a problem.
Support Groups: Some people have found that group therapy works for them. While addicts have support groups of their own, their spouses and partners have additional support groups that focus on their needs and potential emotional concerns. Supports groups like Codependents Anonymous, Families Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Alateen are all geared towards providing help for the loved ones of an addict.
As the spouse or partner of an addict, you may feel frustrated and defeated. Navigating these uncertain waters alone is never the answer.
If your loved one is struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction, we are here for you and we are here to help.