Guide for Loved Ones

The recovery process is often focused on the addict, their substance abuse, and any co-occurring disorders that they may be struggling with. However, it would be a mistake to discuss drug and alcohol addiction without mentioning the addict’s loved ones – their family, their friends, and even their co-workers. Being involved in an addict’s life means taking active measures to support their recovery journey.

With so much attention on the addict during substance abuse treatment, it can be easy for family and friends to feel left in the wind. The reality, however, is that loved ones play a massive role in the addiction recovery journey. A strong support network is critical for addicts who aim to maintain their sobriety and loved ones make up a large part of that network.

The following guide for loved ones serves as basic outline for how to best support the addict in your life.

Your Role in the Healing Process

Addiction recovery looks different for every single addict. As such, your loved one was given an individualized, customized addiction treatment plan and your role may vary. Providing encouragement and moral support is imperative, but that only scratches the surface of what you should be prepared to do for your loved one.

Addiction seldom involves one single person, but often reflects some type of dysfunction in their personal life and relationships. The following are some of the main ways in which you can help your loved one along their recovery journey:

• Creating a sober, stable, and safe home environment

• Attending support groups and/or meetings

• Actively improving your own actions that could be impacting your loved one’s addiction

• Getting educated about addiction

• Attending therapy sessions to work on boundaries and communication

In therapy sessions, at home, and beyond, doing the work with your loved one is strenuous and sometimes overwhelming. In many cases, you and your loved one will work through some difficult and uncomfortable issues. It is important to remember that your role in the healing process can be instrumental in maintaining sobriety.

Recognizing Signs of Addiction

While some are more obvious than others, ignoring signs of addiction is common with loved ones who are scared to face reality. Intervening in an addict’s life is overwhelming, especially if you are in a living environment that may be contributing to substance use. In any case, paying attention to the most common signs of addiction is critical to intervening as early as possible. Behavioral and physical signs of addiction should be noted.

Recognizing the above signs of addiction may be easier for some than others. Regardless, it is important to act on any suspicions appropriately. Speaking to an addiction specialist to learn more about the first steps in helping the addict in your life.

Codependency

When it comes to drug and alcohol addiction, the line between codependency and actual support is easily blurred. In many cases, a pattern is established where one person is enabling another – for power or even to gain approval. Oftentimes the enabler is not even aware of their actions or the fact that they are contributing to their loved one’s addiction.

So, if the line between being supportive and enabling is thin, how can you tell the difference? Keep these things in mind:

1. Boundaries: a supportive loved one will help the addict as much as possible, but put boundaries in place to ensure that poor behavior is not rewarded. A codependent, enabling loved one has no boundaries, or very weak ones, and risks themselves to help out their loved one.

2. Primary Motives: a supportive loved one’s main objective is to facilitate addiction recovery – from attending meetings to engaging in therapy. A codependent, enabling loved one instinctively wishes to keep the addict from reaching sobriety so that they continually rely on them.

3. Attachment: a supportive loved one will do whatever it takes to help the addict, but not at sacrifice to their own self-interest. A codependent, enabling loved one will go to great lengths to “be there” for the addict, sacrificing their money, energy, and time.

Codependency is extremely common in drug and alcohol addiction. As such, it is critical that loved ones participate in therapy to play a helpful, supportive role in the addiction recovery journey.

How Do I Get My Loved One Help?

Communicating to an addict that you want them to seek addiction treatment is never easy for anyone. What is the best way to confront them? Should you do it alone or with other loved ones? What type of response should you expect from the addict? These are very common questions and it is normal to feel hesitant and scared before having this big conversation.

The best first step is to sit down with your loved one and have an open, honest conversation with them. Share what you have observed about their behavior and how it has made you feel. Try to avoid placing blame or criticizing them, as these types of conversations should happen later down the road with a professional therapist present. Continue to remind them that you are here to support them and that this is coming from a place love.

If the one-on-one conversation goes poorly, or if you are too uncomfortable to have one, reach out to an addiction professional. It may be time to hold an intervention to really get through to your loved one. Staging an intervention can be an extremely effective way to get through to your loved one about how the disease of addiction has impacted their life and the lives of those who love them most.

Resources for Loved Ones of an Addict

The emotions linked to dealing with an addict are complex. From frustration to anger and from grief to resentment, it can be easy to get lost in your emotions. Without addressing these feelings a person may experience deep pain and stress. As such, it is important to lean on resources geared specifically to the loved ones of an addict.

• Al-Anon: “a mutual support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. By sharing common experiences and applying the Al-Anon principles, families and friends of alcoholics can bring positive changes to their individual situations, whether or not the alcoholic admits the existence of a drinking problem or seeks help.”

• Nar-Anon: “primarily for those who know or have known a feeling of desperation concerning the addiction problem of someone very near to you. We have traveled that unhappy road too, and found the answer with serenity and peace of mind.”

• Family Therapy: the behaviors of an addict’s family have the ability to greatly contribute to their propensity to use. Working with a substance abuse therapist or an addiction counseling specialist can prove to be extremely helpful in guiding loved ones through the addiction recovery process.

Is your loved one struggling with a substance use disorder? The time to reach out for help is now. One of our addiction professionals is waiting for your call.