Adult Children of Alcoholics, abbreviated ACA, is a support group and community for those who grew up in a dysfunctional or alcoholic environment. Similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, ACA is also a 12-step and 12 tradition program that aims to understand and overcome the habits and behaviors that are developed as a child in a dysfunctional household.
According to the ACA fellowship textbook, the program is not designed to be a replacement for any other recovery program, but rather an additional program to help those who are also still affected by hardships from their childhood. The textbook states “Adult Children of Alcoholics is often the only program for many adult children recovering from the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, including the effects of alcoholism and drug addiction.”
Meetings are a safe space where people can be vulnerable and relate to others with the same struggles. The goal is to find freedom from the past and work to overcome the unhealthy elements from childhood.
Who does Adult Children of Alcoholics serve?
ACA is a resource available to anyone who wants to recover from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family. In addition, there are no dues and the program is funded through donations and voluntary contributions. ACA is not affiliated with any other 12-step program or any other religious, institutional, or political organization.
There is a “laundry list” that ACA uses to define the 14 traits of an adult child. If any of these traits apply to you, you are welcomed into the program. These traits include:
We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We became addicted to excitement.
We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics** and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
As a note, even though the Laundry List was created for individuals who were raised in families that suffered from alcoholism, over time the program has expanded to serve those who were raised with all different types of family dysfunction.
Even though alcoholism is mentioned in the laundry list, members of ACA are affected by more than just alcohol abuse. In addition, para-alcoholic is an outdated term that was previously used to describe those affected by an alcoholic’s behavior, which has now evolved to co-alcoholic and codependent.
What happens during an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting?
During an ACA meeting, people share what is happening in their lives, and how they are dealing with these issues, especially focused on sharing experiences, strength, and hope. By attending these meetings, individuals build personal support networks and practice recovery and personal boundaries.
There is also a list of things to refrain from doing during an ACA meeting, such as not criticizing or commenting on what others say, not offering advice, not distracting others when someone is speaking, and not repeating what is shared during the meetings.
If you think you or a loved one can benefit from the support of Adult Children of Alcoholics, you can find a list of all the meetings here.