Guide for Children of Addicts

Addiction not only affects the individual suffering from substance abuse, but the people around them as well. Those who are often impacted the most are the children of addicts. The National Institute on Drug Abuse estimates that one quarter of American children grow up in the presence of addicts—as a result of this, about 43 percent of the United States adult population has been exposed to alcoholism or drug use. 

The people we look up to during childhood influence the values, morals and life decisions we make later on. Growing up in a household where substance abuse is present puts the children of users at a higher risk of abusing drugs early on in life and therefore developing addictive habits. In addition to the higher risk of addiction, children of addicts are also at a higher risk of performing poorly in school, developing mental health issues and developing low self-esteem.

However, just as parents influence their children, children can have just as large of an impact on their parents. Providing children of addicts with the right resources and support systems at a young age can improve their chances of growing up with healthy habits as well as improve their parent’s habits.

Things to Remember as a Child of an Addict

Addiction is a complicated disease—it does not just develop out of the blue, and there are usually multiple sources causing addictive behavior. Growing up the child of an addict, it can be difficult to separate yourself from the actions of your parents. In summation, remember that it is not your fault.

The National Association for Children of Addiction emphasizes four key facts that can lend a helping hand in tough times:

1.      Addiction is a disease. You can’t cure it. 

While addiction outwardly presents itself through alcoholism and drug addiction, it is often doing the most damage internally. Substance use disorder affects the way the brain functions, including its pleasure centers and the way it controls behavior—all of which are difficult to control in the absence of licensed therapists, doctors and certain medications.

While addiction cannot be cured, it can be mitigated through the process of withdrawal and recovery. Do not feel like you are not doing enough for your parent because they are not improving.

2.      You cannot control your parents drinking or drug use.

The battle your parent is fighting with substance abuse should not be your responsibility to control. You cannot control your parent’s addiction and it is likely that cannot control it either. Again, addiction is a disease that causes the brain to act in ways that are not the healthiest, even when the individual knows it may be dangerous. Do not place the sole responsibility of limiting your parent’s substance use on yourself.

3.      You are not alone. 

There are 18 million children of alcoholics in the United States today and nearly 2 children are born to addicts every second of every hour. You are not alone. It may feel isolating to see your parent fade into addiction without the ability to help them, but just know there are others who have experienced the same thing that have gotten through it. There is no reason you will not get through it too.

4.      You can talk about the problem.

Talk to someone you trust about your home life. Although talking it out may not make your parent quit using, it may help you feel better about what you can and cannot do in the situation. Find a teacher, a coach, a school counselor and make sure they know what is going on and how you are feeling about it. Letting another adult know about the issues at hand can lead to a healthy intervention that subsequently leads to recovery efforts.

Sometimes, keeping a journal can also act as a form of therapy as it helps you to let go of the negative thoughts keeping you occupied. In addition, there is also an abundance of resources online and in person for the children of addicts. Alateen, an Al-Anon group, allows children of addicts to come together to share common experiences and encourage one another. Alateen resources are easily accessible through their website where you can locate online or in-person meetings to attend.

Children of Addicts are Not To Blame

While these four facts are helpful, the most important piece of information to remember is that your parents' addiction is not your fault, nor is it your responsibility to cure. Sure, your support may absolutely guide them to achieve sobriety, but make sure you are putting your mental health and wellness first so you can be the best version of yourself for your parents and your future.